I am grateful that, as I learned at a display of horrible spiders at the Monte L. Bean Life Science Museum (on Brigham Young University campus), there are not any spiders, or creatures in their broader species branch, that have wings.  It’s horrible enough that they scamper around on eight hairy legs, trap and impale their victims and live on their blood.  If they could do all that and fly, which I’d never have thought of were it not for this display - that would be so many times worse.  But if, as my religion states, God will mute the wicked and send flies to cause flesh to fall off their bones and their eyes out of their sockets, I’m sure a God capable of inflicting such horrible vengeance (indeed to match the greatness of His mercy) would have had the idea cross His mind.  Of course He’s had every idea.  If He has some terrible tricks up His sleeve for the apocalypse, I hope if this is one of them I’ll find myself on the side of His mercy - away from the flying spiders.  Away from the flying giant spiders.

Okay, I had to look around - and now I have a testimony that the Monte L. Bean Museum is true.  There is a “flying” spider - but it doesn’t fly, it has attributes that allow it to jump very far (yoink!), and no spider can fly, they say.  ..but are they right?  I’m doubting my testimony of the Monte L. Bean Museum.

Boo!