Following a provided lead, I signed up to put my name on a CD-ROM of a spacecraft headed to investigate Pluto in July 2015. Here’s my certificate.

Maybe the aliens who find the craft and its CD-ROM will have the capacity we lack for heaving hours of adulation upon single among uncounted names. Far more than the well-meant if necessarily lacking practice of humans praying for humans for a fee, The Benevolent Ones, having surpassed the necessity of money and opposition, will set up lab with thier uncounted hosts reciting mantras that will reach accross the void and pierce the soul of the million, wretched geeks who just need some COSMIC APPROVAL. I’m one of ‘em.

This is what they will say:

[Name from list], Trekking through time and space! We, Beings, Benevolent, of Higher Mind, impart our Beneficient Luminosity through the Void to thee, Quester of Man’s Eternal Learning, through the Endless Void to the Space of Your Approval, from the Haven of Cosmic Bliss separate from your now worthless, hopelessly pathetic shill of a pretended Glorious Civilization. Be of Hope! Our Learning Together will account for all Wrong Creations. We will abolish all evil. We will Restore all that is Lost. We will ascend above the stars. We will Atone all wrongs.

Sign up!